Why Positive Thinking is Creating Negative Things in Your Life

In the realm of self-improvement and personal development, "positive thinking" is often heralded as the golden key to happiness and success.

I admit that I’ve been guilty of being a bit of a pint-sized pundit on the topic myself. That’s until I read Ryan Holiday’s "The Obstacle is the Way.” Holiday introduced me to Stoicism’s real-world applications, and I can tell you it works.

The thing is - all of that “positive thinking” we’ve heard about is hurting you.

Let me explain:

Let's pause and consider for a moment the wisdom of ancient Stoic philosophers, who might gently advise us to temper that relentless optimism with a dose of realism, or even strategic pessimism.

The Stoics offered a more nuanced approach to the mind's landscape. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius didn't advocate for a grim outlook on life but suggested a balanced one—preparing for adversity not through worry, but through the reasoned anticipation of challenges.

Their practical wisdom is encapsulated in timeless texts like Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations", which illustrates the power of a balanced mindset. I have a copy, and to thumb through it, is to fall in love with his teachings.

I’ll share that for me, it was profound to hear the thoughts of a man who lived so long ago talk about the same human things we all experience. I guess dealing with the unbearable weight of life is universal.

Positive thinking, while beneficial, can sometimes resemble a house built on sand—vulnerable to the first wave of real trouble. The Stoics teach us that it's not only okay but wise to fortify our mental constructs with the sturdy material of realism.

By considering potential setbacks, we're not succumbing to negativity; we're exercising foresight. It's a concept vividly explored in William B. Irvine's "A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy", where he discusses the transformational practice of negative visualization.

Stoicism proposes that by envisioning the loss of what we hold dear or the challenges we may face, we do two things: we appreciate our current state more deeply, and we prepare ourselves mentally for changes and obstacles, thus lessening future shock and emotional turmoil.

This practice, known as 'premeditatio malorum', fortifies us against the volatility of fortune.

This is not an advocation for doom and gloom. Rather, it's the recognition that optimism must be tempered with a strategic form of pessimism—a kind that primes us to face and overcome the adversities of life.

Ryan Holiday's modern take on these ancient principles in "The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph" is a testament to the practicality of such thinking.

The Stoic's version of pessimism isn't passive. It's active and engaging. It doesn't lead us to despair but to action. By anticipating problems, we can plan and create strategies to navigate or mitigate them.

This form of 'defensive pessimism' can be a powerful tool, especially in high-stakes scenarios where the cost of failure is significant. It's a theme that Donald Robertson touches upon in "Stoicism and the Art of Happiness", guiding readers to a resilient form of contentment.

In our present-day culture, which often celebrates unbridled optimism, the Stoic philosophy invites us to a grounded, resilient stance. It's not about expecting the worst but being prepared for the possibility of it. By doing so, we might just find ourselves less shaken when life inevitably throws us a curveball.

I’ll share an exercise that is a bit morbid, but I found that grounds me like no other. I will, for a moment, from time to time imagine that my children have passed away. I feel that loss deep in my bones, and I imagine that pain. Typically I’ll do this on the train.

Then, when I walk through the door, it’s a miracle. Here they are in front of me.

Let me pull them in and hold them.

Let me tell them how much I admire their work ethic as they do their homework.

Let me kiss them one more time.

Let me caress their hair so they feel safe and loved.

Let me whisper in their ear that they make me proud, and that being their Father is the greatest joy of my life.

Let me feel that in my bones so that they know these things are certain. They are safe. They are loved. They are protected.

Life-changing, if you ask me.

I’ll end with this - while positive thinking has its virtues, let's not discount the strength found in the sober, clear-eyed anticipation of life's challenges. By balancing our inherent optimism with the strategic pessimism of the Stoics, we cultivate not just hope, but resilience—the real secret to enduring REAL success and inner tranquility.

Keep up the good work,

Chris

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